Reading Screenplays Read online

  On the whole, though, dialogue should be concise because, in any drama, what a character thinks, feels, says and does are in conflict. The gap between dialogue and action, between what a character says and what they really think and feel, is what creates the subtext of a story or scene. If there is no subtext, there is nothing to discover, nothing to reveal. Good dialogue conceals as much as it reveals. What isn’t talked about is as important as what is. There is a continual tension between dialogue and action. Bad dialogue has many causes but collapsing the gap between words and action is the most common.

  When a reader comes to write this section of the report the questions to order thought around are these:

  Does the dialogue sound authentic for the world of story?

  Does it sound real rather than written?

  Is the dialogue badly expositional – is it telling us the story too obviously?

  Is there unnecessary dialogue? Can we see what is being said?

  Is there too much dialogue? Can scenes be written dramatically rather than spoken?

  Do different characters speak in different voices and reveal character?

  Is the dialogue assisting the story with the interplay of what is concealed rather than what is revealed?

  If there are recurring problems or good examples of the dialogue not working this is a section in which page–referencing examples can be very helpful to a writer.

  VISUAL GRAMMAR

  This section of the script report is about the ‘grammar’ or the language of film, the visual techniques employed to tell the story.

  The camera can go anywhere in a film and it is this freedom of movement that makes a screen story feel like a journey. We follow characters and see what they do rather than watch them talk about what they’ve done. The way the scenes are juxtaposed creates the language of parallel time, both in the sense that the audience understands that events are happening simultaneously, and also that the worlds of the characters are about to collide, with impact.

  Writing visually

  Writing and thinking visually doesn’t mean directing the film on the page. A screenplay presents a developing action and it is customary to write how one scene connects with another (fade in, cut to, mix to, etc). But, within each scene, camera directions (angle on, another angle, close up, etc.) are inappropriate, and, if the writer includes these, it is important to make a note. Their inclusion suggests that the director won’t know how to shoot the scene (whether or not the writer hopes to direct as well), or else is using it to mask the lack of real movement in the scene.

  Whatever the original conception of a story, screenplays draw on a repertoire of visual storytelling techniques. Flashbacks, Voiceover and Montage, for example, are devices made possible by the fluency and immediacy of film. All three are essentially techniques for providing the audience with information necessary to understand the story.

  Flashbacks

  The argument against flashback is that it stalls the forward movement of the story and reminds us of the artifice of film. Particularly where it is used to reveal backstory – the history of characters or events that precede story – flashback can feel like bad exposition. However, there are many good examples of effective flashback that allow the writer to heighten a moment or to illuminate an action or character. For example, The Sixth Sense revisits all the scenes in which we understood Dr Malcolm Crowe to be alive and enables us to reinterpret them with the new information that he is dead. The Usual Suspects flashes back at the end to enable us to see the truth.

  As a rule, if flashbacks represent a character’s subjective understanding of the past – speculation about a crime, a puzzling memory – they don’t disrupt forward movement because the story is about the character’s developing understanding of the past. In such cases, flashbacks are motivated by the character’s need to discover the truth. Objective flashbacks need much more care. When assessing these kinds of flashbacks in a script, you need to ask yourself whether the audience needs to see a past event in order to fully understand the present. On the whole, flashbacks work if they offer insight and allow us to reinterpret information that we already have, rather than just delivering information. If the script you are reporting on has flashbacks, the question must always be: what is their purpose? Are they adding insight? Or can the information be incorporated into the present of the film?

  Voiceover

  Voiceover narration is of two basic kinds: interior and exterior. Interior narration allows us to hear the private thoughts of a character as they reflect on the events of the story. The intimacy encourages the audience to engage with the character’s thoughts and feelings. This is particularly useful where a character is difficult to identify with. For a good example of this, read or watch Barbara’s voiceover in Notes on a Scandal.

  A problem arises when the voiceover is failing to add insight, pathos, humour or tension, and is either telling us what we can see, or telling us what we should be able to see with a bit more thought on the possibilities of dramatisation.

  Exterior narration, the objective voice of the storyteller, is rare in contemporary cinema.

  Montage

  Montage is compressed drama: a series of images that tell the audience an important part of the story. A montage of someone getting up, brushing teeth, shaving, eating an egg and closing the front door is unlikely to be a crucial part of the narrative. The audience does not need to see the detail to understand a character has got up and left the house. Good montage is making use of the economy of screen time by appealing to the ability of the audience to move the story along. There are two points to consider. The first is that montage is expensive. Hauling a film crew to many locations for a second or two of screen time in each has got to justify its place in the story to justify the budget. Secondly, when it is done well and is integral to the story it can be brilliant, so there is a fine judgement about the effectiveness of any montage sequence that a reader must make. Stories that take place over time and require character change may rely on montage to speed up the story. Romantic comedies often use montage effectively.

  Special effects

  Special effects are usually employed in specific genres, most obviously science fiction. Advancing technology means that almost anything can be achieved on screen, so, rather than complicate this, if you are reading a script in which special effects are required, the question you are asking is whether the world of the story is believable and credible, so that the effects feel integral to the story rather then clever techniques.

  The visual grammar is the way in which we see the action: the action is what happens and the grammar is the way in which we see it.

  In summary here, this section of the script report asks – does the writer show an understanding of the grammar of visual storytelling? The reader should comment on the ways in which the writer tells the story ‘cinematically’ i.e. consider the techniques that are uniquely available to the screenwriter and how they are deployed in the script being read.

  When thinking about this section it may help to order your thought as follows:

  Is there an understanding of the craft of visual language in the script? What is the use of visual grammar contributing to the script?

  If the script contains few or none of these techniques, could it be improved by their use?

  Is the movement between scenes effectively creating a sense of parallel action which builds anticipation and adds to the tension or comedy?

  Does the use of visual grammar play a useful part in creating dramatic irony?

  Is this a story that could use montage effectively? Is there opportunity to compress a long sequence of scenes through montage? Or, is montage used inappropriately?

  If voiceover is used in the script assess how effective it is in creating empathy with the character or adding tension to the story.

  If there is use of flashback/flashforward is it expositional or does it really enhance the story?

  PACE

  This section of the scrip
t report deals with the technical skill demonstrated by the writer in modulating the tempo and mood within the script, not with the overall structure of the story. Remember that the script is a blueprint for a work that is destined (hopefully) for the screen and, while a script that is a real ‘page–turner’ may translate into a well–paced film, many movies that feature long action sequences can be difficult to read.

  Pace is about the movement in the film and to some extent governs how the audience becomes emotionally involved in a story on screen. Modulating the tempo is a very sophisticated technique and, unlike music, where there are many tempos, there are three in screenplays which are all extreme. One is real time, one is slow motion and the other is compressed time.

  Compressed time

  On the whole, the audience can do much of the work in a film: we don’t need to see someone turn a handle, come into the room, sit down and start talking. Instead, the writer can cut straight to the conversation and we understand that all action before the conversation has happened offscreen. A good reader looks at the structure of the scenes to see whether they are as economical as possible; are they allowing room for the audience to bring its own inferences and assumptions to the table?

  Slow motion

  This tempo is more usually the choice of the director, but can be used by the writer to emphasise an action in the script; slowing down what happens enables more significant impact, such as a gunshot. If slow motion is used in a script, is its function to create impact, so the audience does not miss the moment?

  Real time

  This is watching action over the time frame that it actually happens and its function in scripts is to emotionally engage the audience in the situation. Using real time enables the audience to more clearly experience the pain, the dilemma or the pleasure of a character and, in so doing, the audience comes to care more.

  When writing this section of the report it can be helpful to organise the response through these questions:

  Is this script a page–turner or is it slow and laborious to read? Does it demonstrate an ability to vary the tempo?

  Do key scenes start and end at the optimum moment?

  Do the scenes vary in length and mood so as to emotionally engage and affect the audience?

  Do sequences build to create tension or humour?

  Is real time used to engage an audience?

  Martha Coleman

  Head of Development, Screen Australia

  When I am reading a script, the most important consideration to take it forward to another draft is whether or not the underlying premise is strong enough to carry a 90–minute cinematic film, no matter what kind of story it is. And whether there is potential for engaging characters to keep the story moving.

  When passing on a project it’s always about the project itself, never about the time. Some projects take years to get right. Often it’s because we feel the team have taken it as far as they can without reaching its full potential, either because the craft is just not good enough or the vision – what they want to say – is, in our opinion, not strong enough. Often it’s because we have come to the realisation that the premise does not, after all, have the weight to carry a 90–minute film.

  Screen Australia use a small pool of script readers, all of whom have a good grasp of screen craft in all genres. It’s important to us that the readers are not arrogant and they are able to critique a script with a desire to understand what the writer’s intention is and with a respectful approach.

  I have taken on projects that need a lot of work and managed to negotiate the changes successfully with the writer. It’s always about understanding what the writer’s intention is, helping to identify and prioritise the blocks that are getting in the way of what s/he is trying to say and helping to guide the writer to remain focussed on what s/he is trying to say in every scene. The best strategy is clear, constructive communication.

  Another important deliberation when we are considering a project is whether the project is achievable for a budget commensurate to its likely audience. Similarly, we may decide to pass or discontinue developing if we feel the filmmakers have an unrealistic expectation of budget level for their film or they are unwilling to work on reducing the budget to an appropriate level for the film they are making.

  FEASIBILITY OR CONCLUSION

  This is the last section of the report and, if it is intended for the writer, this is where the main points of the report should be briefly summarised and some comment made on its feasibility in terms of ‘market’. It is not the script reader’s job to guess at the budget or the difficulties associated with locations or special effects, and it is inappropriate to expect readers to do this. However, the consideration that the reader has given the script does mean they are best placed to raise questions for the writer to think about in terms of development required and market potential. The main job of the conclusion is to be clear about the priorities for the next draft – the most important issues to address if it is to find an audience.

  And that concludes the script report.

  4. A SAMPLE SCRIPT REPORT

  Broken Heart Boot Camp by Alexandra Wilds

  (Second Draft)

  Synopsis

  The story is set in the present day in London and Derbyshire.

  30–year–old Elle has just been dumped by her boyfriend Jonathan. He claims he needs to devote his efforts to making a success of his restaurant, and she has bought it, believing it’s only a matter of time before he’ll be back with her. However, one disastrous and humiliating night at the restaurant makes it crystal clear that the relationship is over. Witnessing her public heartbreak are diners Tom and Hope Brightside, who run Broken Heart Boot Camp, a weekend of exercises for body and soul guaranteed to mend your heart and set you on the path to finding your true love. Hope presses her business card into Elle’s hand saying the best way to get him back is actually to get over him. That night Elle signs up.

  Also at the boot camp that weekend is Will, an undercover journalist, there under protest to write an exposing article for his godmother’s magazine. If he doesn’t deliver, he can kiss his job goodbye.

  Will is immediately taken with Elle but she has her mind firmly fixed on getting Jonathan back and has no time to listen to her own heart, which is – definitely – being tugged towards Will. Stuck in the middle of nowhere on a bonding exercise, Elle finally falls for Will but, with typical bad timing, the experiences at the camp have reminded Will that love is too risky to try again.

  Will’s cover is blown just as the camp is swamped with press and it is assumed that he has betrayed the vow of secrecy that everyone has signed up to. However, although this was his original intention, it wasn’t actually him. Elle leaves the camp with her heart mended and determined to get over men and get on with life. Will does write his article, but, rather than the exposé he was supposed to submit, it is a heartfelt piece about his own disastrous love life and his instinct to sabotage the next relationship, just in case. He is clearly talking about Elle. Now that Will has been vindicated – he wasn’t the one who exposed the camp – boot camp friends engineer to get Will and Elle in the same place. There is a bit of panic and flurry at the end as Jonathan shows up, but eventually Elle and Will kiss. It is the beginning of a new chapter of love.

  The Premise

  Broken Heart Boot Camp sits squarely in the territory of classic romantic comedy. Elle is the protagonist who wants to get her boyfriend back, but it is pretty clear that he has no such intention. Elle’s main conflict is her refusal to see the truth of the situation, and her decision to go to the Broken Heart Boot Camp is motivated purely by her desire to get Jonathan back.

  The problem with this set up is that the audience is required to invest in Elle coming to realise that she is being a fool, and whilst the situation can certainly elicit our sympathy it is possibly unlikely to engage our empathy. This is compounded by the very late introduction of the real love interest, Will, and it may be worth considering how to b
ring Will into the story earlier. Once the audience recognises that Will can mend her broken heart if only she lets him, this creates a solid premise for a romantic comedy: in order to move on in love, we need to get over the last one.

  The dramatic potential of the idea is currently weakened by the way the conflict is set up. Jonathan, who is the major obstacle to what Elle wants, is introduced briefly in the opening scenes and not seen again until the closing scenes. This renders Elle’s conflict almost entirely internal for the bulk of the story and the effect is to narrow the possibility for both comedy and drama; Elle is ‘fighting’ with herself and, whilst this is a key aspect of the genre, it needs to be made both external and humorous through careful plotting of events. The boot camp – which is a unique and fantastic setting for a romantic comedy – can offer a range of situations that enable Elle to realise that her heart is mending whilst at the same time bringing her and Will into a relationship that can elicit the audience’s investment.

  In terms of the stake, it isn’t clear that Will is ‘the one’ for Elle until the revelation in his article and the climactic scenes. Holding this back helps to ensure the ending is powerful; however, the opportunity to observe that they would, and could, be perfect for each other during their time at boot camp would allow the audience to invest in this ending more effectively.

  The subplot of the boot camp in financial difficulty, whilst providing additional drama, detracts from the meaning of the story. Will’s article at the end of the story generates lots of customers for the boot camp, so it confuses the point of the story and leaves us wondering if saving the business, rather than mending hearts, is the priority? Tom and Hope seeking out clients does certainly add humour but these scenes can probably be incorporated without the financial crisis.